Our Paris-Over-Pace Society

October 06, 2007

In the immortal words of Gen. Douglas MacArthur as he wrapped up a military career that spanned five decades, "Old soldiers never die; they just fade away."

Or get bumped off the evening news by Paris Hilton's arrival at court.

Gen. Peter Pace, who as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff was President Bush's top military adviser on Iraq and Afghanistan, retired this week, after not being renominated to that lofty post. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said he knew that renominating Pace would open both the general and the Bush administration to bruising and grandstanding criticism by war foes.

Pretty important stuff, huh?

Don't feel bad if you didn't know Pace had been canned. The announcement came in June at the height of the cable news hysteria about Paris Hilton, when there apparently was nothing else more important to cover.

CNN, bless its heart, was actually reporting on Gates' axing of Pace and how --

Hold on a minute, guys. We have a report that Paris Hilton is arriving at the Los Angeles County Jail.

Viewers were then exposed to several minutes of Hilton's chauffeured car pulling up to the jail and the damsel preparing to pull 72 hours behind bars.

Transfixed though I was with Paris' fate, I turned the channel to see whether anyone else was talking about the general's dismissal. I mean, when one of the architects of a war that has cost thousands of lives is tossed off of and under the bus, that seems significant.

Not in cable TV culture. Regardless of one's feeling about Pace's leadership -- or lack of leadership, when you consider that he never stood up to Donald "You go to war with the Army you have" Rumsfeld -- a distinguished 40-year military career in service to our country should not be pre-empted by a story about Paris Hilton.

When you get right down to it, not even a story about a piano-playing cat should be pre-empted by a story about Paris Hilton. There was, however, one time --

More breaking news, folks. Paris Hilton just entered a chic L.A. eatery and ordered a cobb salad. With ranch dressing on the side.

Back during Ronald Reagan's presidency, his administration was credited with or accused of -- depending upon how you felt about the Gipper -- intentionally putting out bad or controversial news releases on Friday afternoons, reckoning that reporters and news producers would be packing up, mentally, at least, for their weekend getaways to the Hamptons or wherever they went during the 1980s.

Now, he wouldn't have to wait until the weekend. He could just wait until Britney, Lindsey or Paris goes wild and attacks a car with an umbrella, or shaves off her hair, or goes out on the town sans bloomers.

Some people may feel that President Bush's big mistake wasn't in vetoing Medicaid coverage for poor kids -- hey, they don't vote, right? -- but in not waiting until Britney Spears and K-Fed appear in court for custody of their children.

A textbook definition of irony is that, with round-the-clock news outlets, we now have access to more information than ever in history -- yet it's hard to imagine a time when more people were mis- or uninformed. Except about Halle's pregnancy or Paris' comings and goings.

This just in: Paris Hilton's cat has coughed up a massive fur ball. ...