Paris Hilton And Lindsay Lohan Attacked By Scarlett Johansson

April 19, 2008

Scarlett Johansson (the actress - and now singer - famous for having Scarlett Johansson’s boobs on her chest; you know the one?) has blasted two of hecklerspray’s most cherished celebrities!

The outrageous harlot has dared to declare that the musical talent of our Paris Hilton and our Lindsay Lohan is not quite her cup of tea.

How dare she? Just who does she think she is? Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have a put a lot of good, honest, hard-work into getting where they are today, yet where is the respect? Do you think those cocks suck themselves?

No, of course they don’t. If they did humanity would have become extinct a long, long time ago.

It takes a good deal of effort to say ‘ah’ for that amount of time and with that amount of people. There are literally girlfriends out there, all over the world right now (possibly even reading this), who wouldn’t even say ‘ah’ to their own boyfriends for much more than a minute each week.

Sometimes less.

It is because of this abhorrent crime to humanity that Scarlett can say what she damn well wants, but the fact remains that Paris and Lindsay are a rare breed indeed, and hecklerspray will continue to salute these pioneers in all of their artistic ventures, futile as they may be.

(In order for you to believe what we’ve just said, it is strongly advised that you don’t click on the following links. Not this one, nor this one.)

Scarlett told Spin Magazine:

I have no relationship with either Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton, even as far as my lifestyle or the music I listen to. They probably made music that fits with their lifestyle – ‘Wouldn’t it be great if I were dancing to my own song in the club?’ My album is more suited to my lifestyle. I live a very low-key life.

Yeah, you better hope you do, Johansson, or else you’ll be joining 50 Cent on hecklerspray’s hit-list.

One difference between our girls and Scarlett though, is that Scarlett (who is soon to release ‘Anywhere I Lay My Head’ - a Tom Waits cover album - making her little more than jumped up karaoke singer) has received at least one rave review about her musical ability from someone, albeit that someone being Jessica Simpson - someone who wouldn’t know good music if she was grinding her for-hire-arse up against it - who told Esquire magazine:

I really respect her, and I think she’s an unbelievable talent at a young age. And she is unbelievably beautiful. Plus, she gets to work with the best of the best.

Is she really that unbelievable? Granted, her boobs are unfathomable, but do any of you really find that watching Scarlett Johansson act makes you question your whole belief system regarding the upper-limits of human talent?

What Jessica actually offers is a nice, but essentially trite, and ultimately invalid, appraisal. You’re gonna have to come up with better than the child-talk of Jessica Simpson, Johansson, to pull hecklerspray away from the lure of reporting Paris and Lindsay’s day to day activities.

If you want to receive our support, then it’s time to do what any self respecting female artist would do: Toss your artistic integrity into the abyss and open wide.

All else is a perversion. Madonna’ll back us up.

Read More - Scarlett Johansson slams the Dlist girls - M&C