Paris Hilton’s Brother Gets A DUI Just Like She Did

February 13, 2008

You know, we really haven’t seen enough DUI busts for our liking for the new year. Sure, we had a good run in the past with Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Kiefer Sutherland, Busta Rhymes, the entire cast and most of the crew of Lost…

Honestly, we didn’t think there was anyone left to get a DUI. But we were wrong. Turns out you just have to look to the siblings of other busted drunkards. Like Paris Hilton’s little brother, Barron Hilton, who has gone and gotten himself a DUI.

Oh, and he one upped his sister’s DUI with a fake license. Ha! Take that, Paris.

Ah, the Hiltons. Once upon a time their family name was synonymous with classy hotels. You know, the kind that you don’t feel the need to call Dateline to come and investigate the bed sheets with blue lights. But nowadays when you hear the name Hilton, you think of a pointlessly famous heiress that has bladder control problems in the back of taxis and is constantly stuck in that arched back cat pose that makes you so aggravated that you want to drop kick yourself into the wall.

Well, now the Hilton’s can add another shining star to their family crest. Barron Hilton will no longer be known (not that he was known in the first place) as Paris Hilton’s little brother, but as Paris Hilton’s little brother that likes to go for morning drives around Los Angeles while a little bit too drunk. You see, at around 8am yesterday, 18-year-old Barron Hilton was arrested for drunk driving. He was found to have a blood alcohol level of .14 and carrying a fake license.

The exciting part in all of this is not that Barron Hilton was arrested, or that he is underage, or that he might be charged with a felony for having a made-up license, but that a driver following Barron Hilton’s car felt something was a bit off and pulled him out of the car at the next stop to wait for the police to arrive. Wow, someone must have actually watched Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol. Steve Guttenberg will not have died in vain! What? He’s still alive? Oh.

Anyway, Barron Hilton need not worry, because if his situation is anything like his sister's he’ll only have to serve about 87 seconds in jail, which he can break up into smaller chunks by getting let out, then put back, then let out and put back a few times, and eventually strut out in a designer jacket and heels. We eagerly await Barron Hilton's interview with Larry King where he doesn't answer any question directly as our minds are slowly rendered useless by crippling boredom.