Sick Of Celebrity Sickness

January 11, 2008

Tonight I've got bronchitis, which made me think: Like me, many other celebrities have serious illnesses and I feel bad for them.

But I hate the other ones who can't stop talking about it. You're already rich and famous — do you really need the public to identify with your restless leg syndrome?

I'm not knocking people when they're down. But I'm tired of hearing about how Cameron Diaz's obsessive compulsive disorder means she can only use spotless $100 bills when buying a Fendi bag for her dog.

I'm sure David Beckham's OCD is troubling, but when you're worth zillions, you can buy a new toilet for every flush.

And as for Paris Hilton saying she has attention deficit disorder, that's a like a snake saying he's an amputee — you can't lose something that was never there to begin with.

And how many more celebrities are going to tell us how they were "ostracized" due to their undiagnosed dyslexia — which translates into, "I'm blond and stupid and was the same as a child."

Celebrity diseases are right up there with modern art for American mass delusions. Once someone calls BS on them, they're discarded like old copies of Swank.