Unreal! Covers Cover The Uncovered

January 08, 2008

Gay the new thin. Or the new fat. Or so this week's Famous magazine implies, with its bold cover story "Gay Celebs!"

The mag reveals the "Real Hollywood gay list", which includes Ellen DeGeneres, Portia de Rossi, Cynthia Nixon, Queen Latifah, Jodie Foster, Beth Ditto and Ricky Martin. Oh my God! Where is my mobile? I need to text someone. Now!

A smidgin more interesting are other names on the list such as the Spice Girl Mel B, Jessica Biel, Zac Efron and Christina Applegate. Though the story would be much more compelling if they were also dangerously thin or really, really fat. Or pregnant.

Speaking of fatness and pregnancy, NW examines the mysterious link between the two in its "Pregnant and Stressed" cover story.

The mag reports that the newly preggers starlet Jessica Alba is not happy about the awful side effects that one experiences when one is with child. "I'm ugly and fat," the star has reportedly said to someone, somewhere.

"Jessica hates her baby body. She foams at the mouth every time she gets on the scales and sees she's gained a few pounds."

Hang in there, Jess. Maybe by the time you get around to baby No.2 science will have worked out a way to make babies out of thin air.

Jennifer Aniston is also the subject of intense pregnancy speculation, after she ventured out of the house with an unusually large crease in her top. The cause of the crease was not a lack of ironing or the sudden ingestion of six whole cashew nuts, NW surmises, but a brazen tummy that is swollen with foetus. "Already packing on the baby weight, Jen made no attempt to hide her rounded belly," the mag says.

Less thrilled with her belly is Nicole Richie, who is nine months' pregnant. The magazine worries that she is starting her post-pregnancy health regime a little early, given that she hasn't actually given birth yet. "She's radically cutting back calories, restricting certain foods and started keeping a list of everything she puts in her mouth."

Richie's woes should serve as a warning to Lindsay Lohan, whose reported "sex addiction" puts in her grave danger of contracting pregnancy.

Famous reports that Lohan is fresh from a man-eating binge in Italy, gobbling up three handsome local men in just 24 hours.

The magazine offers impressive evidence of its claims, including a photo of Lohan with one of the men, an actor called Dario, that shows her "straddling him and chewing his face off". It's a story made in tabloid heaven. Well, almost. It would better if she was also dangerously thin, pregnant and gay. Now that's a story.

From-http://blogs.smh.com.au/magwatch/archives/2008/01/unreal_covers_cover_the_uncove.html